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Another of Satan’s Ways…

This is, once again, like shooting fish in a barrel. With a shotgun.

The Daily Mail covers the impending switch-on of the Large Hadron Collider, in a typically restrained manner….

Landmark experiment to unlock secrets of Big Bang could cause end of the world, say scientists in court bid to halt it

Yes. Yes it could. It could also create fish ice-cream out of nothing, but that isn’t being reported nearly as widely in the press…

It has cost £4.4billion and is designed to unlock the secrets of the Big Bang.

But rather than providing vital information about the beginning of life, the world’s biggest experiment could cause the end of the world, say scientists.

They fear that the Large Hadron Collider  -  due to be switched on in nine days’ time  -  will create a black hole that could swallow the planet.

So far, so good.

By smashing sub-atomic particles together at close to the speed of light, the LHC aims to recreate the conditions that existed a fraction of a second after the birth of the universe or Big Bang, shedding light on the building blocks of life.

Concise, accurate, if actually a little off on what it’s going to shed light on.

But critics claim that the ‘time machine’, which has been built 300ft beneath the French-Swiss border near Geneva, could instead spawn a shower of mini-black holes.

A time machine??!!!

(see my previous postings on this very subject).

No-one told me they’re making a time machine at CERN! I might have saved myself hours of work, slaving over a hot drawing board, and suffering the jibes of friends and colleagues at my folly, if only I’d known.

Still. Never mind. It’s got to be a better attempt than this, which sums up my progress so far:

And just in case you were wondering what the great commenting public have to say on the matter of our imminent demise at the hands of Euroboffins, here are a few extracts from the Daily Mail comments thread. So you don’t have to read through them yourselves:

The guy who wrote the Da Vinci Code also wrote a book on this very subject. Well worth a read.

- Suz, Aberdeen,

Simple – don’t do the experiment, dismantle the equipment and return it back. If it taking the world over…. try it on another planet elsewhere first…

- Guru, UK,

This experiment should be STOPPED. For all we know, it could create a huge nuclear reaction and blast the world in two. These scientists will just keep playing with God’s creations until they find out how to completely obliterate us by accident.

- Frank, Crawley, UK,

The big bang is another one of Satan’s ways of blinding the human race from realizing the truth. 2 Corinthians 4: 4

- Clive, Central America,

Normal service will be resumed tomorrow. Really. I may even discuss how I briefly came to resemble a tub-thumping Presbyterian Minister.


2 comments for “Another of Satan’s Ways…”

  1. I’m utterly amazed the The Daily Heil didn’t find some way to tie in some sort of dig at immigrants / single mothers / anyone who isn’t a pig-ignorant, bigoted Daily Heil reader shovelling indian food and german beer down their fat necks whilst bleating about how much better the Brits are than everyone else.

    Posted by mongo | September 1, 2008, 10:14 pm
  2. You never told me you were designing a
    time machine.Does it mean you can travel back to that fateful date and finally take me to the f@*kin zoo or will you still be too f@*kin busy!

    Posted by chris | September 1, 2008, 10:54 pm

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