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Lest I be banished to the bottom of the garden

Dear all.

Owing to a rash promise made last night after a glass or two of wine, I find myself in the position of having to invent a time machine (in order that it can be Friday evening on Thursday*), or face exile to the shed. In fact, I may in fact be exiled to the shed anyway, while I invent said time vehicle. I have at my disposal; batteries, some wire, an old clock, some paper and a pencil, and a set of tools better suited to repairing small household appliances than developing the world’s first time-shifting portal. Attempts to develop some sort of large wooden wheel have so far failed, as has a misguided idea that saw the outside of the shed painted dark blue and a light attached firmly on top. I am currently considering whether entering a given state of mind will result in the laws of temporality being suspended, but as this may involve the setting on fire and destruction of a large automobile, I am inclined to abandon this plan, lest I accidentally murder my own grandfather and become superhuman in the process. The collected works of C Howard Hinton are nevertheless sitting on my desk though, and may yet provide a vital clue, I shall continue to peruse these august pages, and the future may yet be within reach.

If that fails, I shall obtain a large quantity of nickel levers from my local hardware supplier, and affix them to a wing-backed chair of some description. Pulling enough of them ought to yield some sort of result.

Sanity might return tomorrow.

*The suggestion that by sleeping seven hours and, upon waking, it would indeed be Friday, did occur to me, but I declined to mention this out of politeness and a desire to duly wake up myself, without the addition of a hatpin inserted between my eyes.


One comment for “Lest I be banished to the bottom of the garden”

  1. Oh the joy of knowing when not to mention something. Spot the deliberate mistake. By sleeping 7 hours it would indeed be Friday but it would not however be Friday evening. Keep inventing.

    Posted by rache | August 15, 2008, 3:26 pm

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