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My what needs a what now?

Now hold on. No, really, hold on. While Hol was having a rant about the difference between books for children and for adults (actually, he was having a rant about the reading habits of people who sit on trains with Harry Potter books, but I digress), I was letting a perfidious liar into my life.

I refer, once again, dear reader, to Gillian McKeith.

Upon returning from an opening ceremony conducted by a large-eared member of the Royal Family, your author’s other half presented him with a “Living Food Love Bar“, obtained at said ceremony and endorsed during his speech by ol’ big lugs himself.

Far be it for me to churlishly refuse a kind gift, but we took it upon ourselves to examine the ingredients, and in due course, the stated effects of said snack. The first thing that drew my attention, though, was the bar was, in fact, “Dr. Gillian McKeith’s Living etc..” So, hang on. Did I imagine the ruling handed down by the ASA, addressed by the Guardian here:

According to documents seen by the Guardian, the agreement prevents Ms McKeith calling herself a doctor in any advertising or mailshots relating to her company and its products.

Hmnn. That ruling’s being rigourously enforced then.

And on to the contents. Oats (appropriately enough), Apple Juice, Brown Rice, Malt, Raisins, Rice Flour and, ahem, Dr Gillian McKeith’s Living Food LOVE Powder (her emphasis). And some Pumpkin Seeds, Cardamom, Cinnamon, Ginger and Nutmeg. The majority of the ingredients don’t worry me too much, but the LOVE Powder sounds dangerously like something sold by the roadside in rural America during the early part of the last century…

Step right up, folks, and witness the magnificent medicinal miracle of Simpson & Son’s patented revitalizing tonic. Put some ardor in your larder with our energizing, moisturizing, tantalizing, romanticizing, surprising, her prizing, revitalizing tonic.

Yes, well. Indeed. Grandpa Simpson and Gillian McKeith, kindred spirits…

I’m more comfortable with the ingredients than I am with the suggestion that this will “Nourish Libido Energy with 100mg Love Powder“, and contains “A delicious wildly grown Love Bar made with sprouted daikon seeds and 12 raw Superfoods to feed male and female organs“.

Now Daikon, as we all know, is a radish. I can’t find any mention of it being a Love radish, but maybe Ms McKeith has better knowledge of the radish family than I do. Unless I’m missing something obvious about what you do with a Love radish. And although I’m suspicious about the standards of their reporting, the Times doesn’t find favour with the Love Bar either. Which is Wildly Grown. Apparently.

Still, I wish our Royal endorser well. He’s a big fan of alternative remedies, and if the Love Bar works for him, then good luck to him.

For me, I’ll let you all know. Not in lurid details, this isn’t that sort of blog, but if I’m not around for a few days, I’ll advise you all now that I’ve got another wedding to go to, and it’s not that my libido has been energised beyond the point where I can can write.

(I was going to include a photo of said bar, but her website doesn’t work properly. Which is oddly appropriate)


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